First entry

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about two and a half years. We decided to join this journey to parenthood when I returned from overseas in September 2006. During this time we have moved three times, our jobs have grown, we've had two deaths in the family. To say the least our life is less than quiet.

We have been through the roller-coaster of emotion every month and really the only thing we argue about is this. Money is great, living is great. But one thing we have learned is better communication so we can help each other through this. I have read "Taking Charge of Your Fertility," which was suggested by my cousin. I recommended the book to two women who now each have beautiful babies. Needless to say, it has been frustrating.

We've looked into adoption, and at first gave that idea up because we don't have an extra $20-40,000 sitting in the bank account for adoption fees. But we learned we can be foster parents to adoptive parents through the county. These children are the most in need of good homes, so we feel really good about starting this process. And boy is it a process. The application alone is at least 15 pages. We each have to write an autobiography, and attend parenting classes and have our house assessed. But in the end we know it will be worth it.

We have each been through the tests. I've done the blood work, ultrasounds, one HSG (getting ready to do that again). His is fairly easy. Doc said there really isn't a problem that he can see. So next month I start Clomid - fertility drugs. The side affects? Hormonal, post-menoposal symptoms and multiple births.

I think it is interesting how people who are not in the same situation tell us, "Well, it's always fun trying!" The first year, yes. The next six months, still fun, still laughing at the turkey baster, the egg-white, the "perfect timing." The two year mark, tears and the feeling of failure. I told my husband I had really hoped the doctor was going to tell us we wouldn't be able to conceive for some reason so we could just rule that out all together. I try not to get excited anymore. I actually felt the "I give up" feeling last month. I am not sure what I feel as I anxiously await my ovulation cycle this month. Maybe I feel a little less stressed. I no longer plan my life on "what if we get pregnant this month." Everyone says it'll happen as soon as we give up. But how does a woman give up knowing how her system works and "forget" about it all?

This is our story and I hope it will enlighten someone, maybe bring a laugh or two. But for the most part, I need a place to get my feelings out so I am not torturing my poor husband all of the time. For those of you who take the time to read and follow along, I thank you.